When it comes to dating and romantic relationships, everybody is bound to go through a breakup. Ending a relationship is difficult for everybody involved, even if you are the one choosing to end it.
After a breakup, chances are you choose to beat yourself up for that. You stew over one of the following: the guilt over your actions that may have contributed to the breakup, how you should have known better all along, or the amount of time it’s taking to get over the breakup.
Regardless of the circumstances, when a relationship ends, on some level you blame yourself or even engage in harsh self-criticism. You see it as a personal failure. The sorrow of heartbreak isn’t just about loss, but about self-doubt.
You ask yourself what is “wrong” with you, why you were not good enough, and why he did this to you. You feel shame. You focus on your flaws and imperfections, thinking that it was your negative behaviors, deficits, faults, inadequacies and lacking that made you unworthy of his love.
You believe that the breakup is a sign that you aren’t ‘attachment worthy.’ You think that you have a lack of personal power to hold somebody’s love. You believe that you are inherently unlovable and you have a lack of personal value. Otherwise, why would he have thrown you away?
Perhaps you have been through this many times, and promised that there will not be a next time, that you will be strong enough to walk away from any unhealthy relationship, but, here you are again; you are falling for the wrong man.
You do not want to believe it. You just want to believe that he is different from the other men. However, he isn’t. He is the wrong man, and you hate knowing that you should have walked away. But, you just could not find the courage to do that.
It’s time to stop blaming yourself for what happened. You do not need a man who makes you feel so pathetic, anxious and empty. Looking back at your failed relationship may help you see warning signs that you overlooked as you hoped things would be different. But, overlooking these signs has led to a lot of disappointment and heartache for you.
We aren’t trying to tell you that you should abandon your optimism, but we are trying to tell you that you should use your logic, particularly when it comes to dating. We are also going to remind you of your value. You are amazing. You are beautiful, ambitious, kind, passionate and smart.
So many people in your life respect, appreciate, admire and love you. The things that this wrong man told you to sweep you off your feet were true—he was NOT making them up. He was NOT lying to you about how awesome you are. He was NOT telling you what you wanted to hear.
However, this man lost sight of how great you are, as well as how lucky he is to be with you. And you should not let his behaviour and lack of appreciation for you to destroy your self-esteem.
Remember that you deserve much better than somebody that is unwilling to commit, makes you question your worth, takes advantage of you, often leaves you hanging, and does not make you feel special. You should not settle for less and hold out until you find somebody that truly values and appreciates you. And you need to respect and love yourself enough to know that you deserve nothing but the best.
Leave a reply
